yeaaa tahoe

what a fun weekend. def. some much needed fun. i'm so glad i went. the skiing was good. food was good. drive was good. long but good. it was weird seeing east bay people - i just didnt have anything to say. we're past the ritual questions and then its like now what. teacher talk is out of the question. the snow was sooo pretty. i think mainly because it was so fresh.

so highlights:

-fresh prince shirts
-falling
-snow fights
-dave's snow chains
-jess's goggles and stolen skis
-playing scrabble
-cooking dinner
-no hot water for showers
-sharing a bed with maryam owow
-cute rental boys
-the lake
ahhh crazyiness. love it.

tired and blah

soooo cannot wait for thanksgiving. i need a restful weekend. i'm just soo tired. and this is build up exhaustion from the last four months. i dunno how long I can keep this up. i saw two of my kids today at target and that was pretty exciting. weird but cute. one of the mom's was like - look there is ms. dehus! i felt like a celebrity.

two more days. i guess part of the reason why I don't feel rested today is because it was such a go go go weekend. i def. didnt get enough sleep in time. even though i did take a nap. i dunno. gotta pack.

when it rains it pours

what a good night. crinkling my nose. yea good good. dunno what else to say other than just documenting.

oush halloween!

a holiday to do without. my kids were SOOOO cute though. love it. will post more later.

which is worse?

the guy who got his car towed or the one who crashed it? neither showed. gosh, if only something would happen. i'm so bored. my life is consumed with teaching. when im not teaching, i'm preparing to teach. when im not preparing to teach i'm talking about teaching. when im relaxing im talking about teaching. when i'm sleeping im thinking about teaching. i cant escape! its getting pretty exhausting.

so the first year of teaching is a upside down bell cure and it starts with anticipation at the beginning of the school year and i'm now entering the disillusioned aka burn out phase but i've already finished the parent conferences and back to school nights so now i just have a offical evaluation by the principle to look forward to. yea right "experts". i don't know - i feel in comparison to last month I'm doing a lot better. oh great. there goes the roommie.....ugh!!!!

neeed sleep. wish i had other things. should be a good weekend. next weekend not soo much. grahhh red tape. my kids were so ugh this week - it was like back to square one. i don't know what to do with my giggly child. and my "rebellious/non-participatory" child. well, better than my runaway child and orange one. maybe ana just has too much to process with the eld barrior. it might just be too much for her. a thought anyway.

so the rest of the bell curve. in jan apparently it will start to climb back towards anticipation for the following fall. but now i'm heading down the steep slope to the bottom part of the bell curve. yikes. doesn't help with my current partner. well, i have some fun things to look forward to in the next month to hold me till xmas. seeing mark, sponser a teacher event, trek to tahoe, xmas parties, fashion show in sf. i'll hang in there. i need to get back on my yoga! i'm really inconsistent. tomorrow i'll go. anyway, lots of thoughts.

mixed emotions

changing my personality. meh. I love Ana but I seriously don't know what to do with her some days. She is such a vibrant personality but I don't know if her cooperation is a communication barrier or if it is plain rebellion. I'm too tired to think anymore about it. She is too cute though.

glad i'm not in the fires down south. I feel as if my live doesn't revolve around anything none-california or non-teaching. And that seems so reverse from who I am. I feel as if I have built a new life out here and the old parts of me don't know how to fit. Parts of who I am don't fit. Africa. DC. My old friends. I don't know how to make it all come together. I feel like if I'm not talking about teaching then I don't really have anything to talk about.

voice is gone again - hopefully to return tomorrow. Well, its a professional day so I will have a sub - yay! I was thinking about it earlier though, I'm going to miss my kids tomorrow though! Can't believe it.

i am seriously living in california?

that and a kindergarten teacher? how did that happen. well, not quite a teacher yet. a lot more paperwork and etc to go. golly. it really is beautiful here though.

i still miss dc though. in a couple months prolly not though. don't miss the attitude though.

angel was soooo funny today. well, he left my class which was really sad because he does live up to his name. such a sweet boy. anyway, he accidently got in my line and when we got to the classroom I realized he should be with the other class and had anita take him over. next thing i know anita and angel are back in my room and angel is BALLING his eyes out so upset he had to leave me. i tried to talk with him during recess and he wouldn't even look at me with his tear strained eyes. aw i love him so much. i really wanted to keep him he's so cute but the extra kiddos had to go and the less interaction necessary with the administration the better. even though now a couple of us that complained are now the "point" people for all communication. ok.

gosh im just really exhausted today. i may end work but work ends me. gosh, this one girl is always concerening me though. the same person never picks her up and its getting to be a safety issue. ugh. at the end of the day though i just want them to go. i don't want to think anymore. they did pretty good today. i had no mommies though and that was not so good. they were fine during workshop, they did so good last thursday i'm still beaming about it. just having the extra help to do letter intervention is really important and i hate being told no when i ask puedes ayudar en la clase hoy? though. maybe tomorrow.

birthday is almost here...

the countdown begins!!!! ahhh!!!!!! so many things going on. i felt like at the end of this week like i entered it with open arms and ended with arms full. the test. things to get done. kids. ah so is life.

i wish i could get through all this car stuff. ugh. why is life so full of beuracracy? i can't swim out of it. its just never ending waves.

i'm so proud of myself for going to yoga. its hell getting there emotionally and the bod is sore for the next couple days but its the best. i so need to get into a workout schedule...this will be the week. gotta look into a y membership, add that to the big to-do list.

i'm going to be 21 on saturday! yay!!!!!!! i'm getting a hair cut this week and a birthday outfit....ohh good stuff. if only i knew where to go! eh anyway. this week will go by fast.

gotta love the beach

ohhh im soo sunburned! kinda of sad though.....

what to do...

so its a friday night in san jose and i'm blanked. there is nothing to do in this town. sushi was really good though. company is good too :0)

seriously though - if I had none that sillicon valley is a wasteland of life I don't think I would have left dc. well, it hopefully will be warmer in comparison. it has been chilly though....ehhh....well anyway. beach is close. oh gosh, why did i move out here lol. i don't really remember. well its a job. and im really starting to bond with my kids. i could do without anita some days. "your parents say that your too strict" blah blah blah well thats dandy, tell me how I can do better not just the problem. whatever.

life is interesting here in the bay. sometimes its weird. its like did i really move all the way across the country and become a kindergarten teacher? how did that happen lol...

doin the best i can in my little corner of the world

it seems like the world is going in circles. day in and day out - little change if any. why is change so slow if occurring at all? are there just some walls that just won't break. I feel like nothing changes. No matter.

why did i leave dc?

oh yea, its cold and it snows. but the idea of a hot sat night here is santana row. and people want to live there. well that type of people exist everywhere but im lacking diversity of culture here. its all dominated by mexicans and Vietnamese. neither cultures which spark my interest. ugh. why did i move here?

well, tomorrow at the beach shall hopefully remind me.

bit by bit

scratch scratch scratch. thats about all that comes from my voice. my kids actually did ok today - i think i scared enough of the shit out of them from the last three days so they knew not to push it today. and then tomorrows friday and i get to start ALL over again from the beginning on monday. yay. gosh, i didnt even get any hugs today. where is my lovein. well, they will prolly come tomorrow when they realize they won't see me for two whole days.

so im going to lose one of my cutest kids that has no english to another school. but who knows when that will actually happen. gotta love school districts. all about the numbers.

well, at least my partner and i are on more collaborative working terms now so thats good (in kinder here there are two teachers and classes in one classroom and we work together). i'm trying to visualize how i should display the class goal, well its really my goal for them haha. one of my advisors suggests i move the student work to my cabinets and then put the goal up on my wall. i need to make an action plan of how i am going to make it happen though. and decide if im going with the land of i can idea or with my musical rockstar idea.

ughhhh i need to sterilize my body. its infested with 10 billion five year old germs. must get voice back....

to letting go

good things of the day:

1. one of my kids put their sticker on my shoe.
2. wonderful facial
3. my car
4. whole foods
5. small groups - yay parent helpers!
6. remember kenya
7. sushi and eating haha
8. month macarena - i think they are getting it
9. i think thats it

where oh where is my voice

today sucked. sucky suck suck. i hate yelling - its really just wasted energy. but how do i avoid it? i have to talk OVER my kids because they are talking and i dont know how they will hear me otherwise. "waiting" doesn't work as well with 5 years. i might do what another teacher did today cause she got so fed up - have my kids put their heads down on their desks for 15 mins haha. don't know how well that one will work either cause they really aren't at their desks that much.

i need something interesting in my life. all there is is work. oh tomorrow i have my facial with delbar! im super pumped. gosh, that will be good. maybe it will bring my voice back. and d is so sweet. yea tomorrow will be good, well at least after work and thats when the day really begins. or at least thats when i make it start.

gosh im so pathetic. my life isnt that difficult and like rebecca said - im better than not showing up and the kids not having anyone. just gotta stay in the zen.

-c-

dealing with crack

well. the start of the new week is officially here. happy monday. anita said that i'm too young to be tired by thursday. whatever that means haha.

gosh i need to get into a workout routine/relax routine/something other than the post-work funk that i am in. its seriously sad. im still sore from hot yoga on sunday night. my legs burn!

i had an interesting phone convo with comcast this evening. it went: me complain, lady defensive, me complain, me win. haha, not really. oh good god - gotta know life is boring if i am blogging about cable tv problems. well, its corporate america in general. they've lost the meaning of pleasing the company. its get the most money possible philosophy everywhere.

that is that. lots going on. lots to do. so little time in the days. not enough days.

hmm a new start

well, this is a new phase of life for me. new town, new job. sounds like I should be on a tv drama series. speaking of which, I need to watch less tv. I guess its what working people do since there is no homework to be done. Well, I could do work and be productive but usually I'm too tired and sick of work to actually be productive. So, watching tv it is. Its sad - i'm just too tired at the end of the day to do much else. Oh I could do shopping but that wears out my wallet and me. Both of which are not good.

anyway, so this blog had a point. wait no not really. I guess the point is that this is a new phase of life for me and it should be interesting to see what it reveals.

I was asked yesterday in the car when we were driving back from san fran what I planned to do after TFA. I spouted off a couple of thoughts, none of which I have really considered but were rather mere dreams, but the question just stroke me. It reminded me of job interviews when they ask, where do you see yourself in five years. How do you answer that question correctly in a job interview anyway? I never found out - maybe thats why I didn't get a job in DC, cause I didn't have the right answer to that question for those people there. I'm not complaining - i'm happy to be here (most days, minus the teaching part haha) but there is always the what if factor. I don't see myself staying in the bay after two years but who knows. maybe I will marry rich and live contently :0) jk, I wouldn't be content with that. I need to be in africa.

so, I'm debating if I want to go on a trip next summer. I'm just not sure if I want to save up the money to do it. Abbey is in the UK for grad school and really wants me to visit - thats a pretty tempting offer. The Africa itch is still here though. Well, I was thinking, if things worked out in two years and something opened up for me to move abroad I could get some money for my car which with my savings plan might end up paying off all of my AU loans (blaghhh). listen to me, I sound like a financial specialist working on wall street.

so, the point is, I've yet to find my home. I don't think its here though, but it is kind of fun :0) okeydoke, well maybe sleep will hit me now and the week will never hit.