oush halloween!

a holiday to do without. my kids were SOOOO cute though. love it. will post more later.

which is worse?

the guy who got his car towed or the one who crashed it? neither showed. gosh, if only something would happen. i'm so bored. my life is consumed with teaching. when im not teaching, i'm preparing to teach. when im not preparing to teach i'm talking about teaching. when im relaxing im talking about teaching. when i'm sleeping im thinking about teaching. i cant escape! its getting pretty exhausting.

so the first year of teaching is a upside down bell cure and it starts with anticipation at the beginning of the school year and i'm now entering the disillusioned aka burn out phase but i've already finished the parent conferences and back to school nights so now i just have a offical evaluation by the principle to look forward to. yea right "experts". i don't know - i feel in comparison to last month I'm doing a lot better. oh great. there goes the roommie.....ugh!!!!

neeed sleep. wish i had other things. should be a good weekend. next weekend not soo much. grahhh red tape. my kids were so ugh this week - it was like back to square one. i don't know what to do with my giggly child. and my "rebellious/non-participatory" child. well, better than my runaway child and orange one. maybe ana just has too much to process with the eld barrior. it might just be too much for her. a thought anyway.

so the rest of the bell curve. in jan apparently it will start to climb back towards anticipation for the following fall. but now i'm heading down the steep slope to the bottom part of the bell curve. yikes. doesn't help with my current partner. well, i have some fun things to look forward to in the next month to hold me till xmas. seeing mark, sponser a teacher event, trek to tahoe, xmas parties, fashion show in sf. i'll hang in there. i need to get back on my yoga! i'm really inconsistent. tomorrow i'll go. anyway, lots of thoughts.

mixed emotions

changing my personality. meh. I love Ana but I seriously don't know what to do with her some days. She is such a vibrant personality but I don't know if her cooperation is a communication barrier or if it is plain rebellion. I'm too tired to think anymore about it. She is too cute though.

glad i'm not in the fires down south. I feel as if my live doesn't revolve around anything none-california or non-teaching. And that seems so reverse from who I am. I feel as if I have built a new life out here and the old parts of me don't know how to fit. Parts of who I am don't fit. Africa. DC. My old friends. I don't know how to make it all come together. I feel like if I'm not talking about teaching then I don't really have anything to talk about.

voice is gone again - hopefully to return tomorrow. Well, its a professional day so I will have a sub - yay! I was thinking about it earlier though, I'm going to miss my kids tomorrow though! Can't believe it.

i am seriously living in california?

that and a kindergarten teacher? how did that happen. well, not quite a teacher yet. a lot more paperwork and etc to go. golly. it really is beautiful here though.

i still miss dc though. in a couple months prolly not though. don't miss the attitude though.

angel was soooo funny today. well, he left my class which was really sad because he does live up to his name. such a sweet boy. anyway, he accidently got in my line and when we got to the classroom I realized he should be with the other class and had anita take him over. next thing i know anita and angel are back in my room and angel is BALLING his eyes out so upset he had to leave me. i tried to talk with him during recess and he wouldn't even look at me with his tear strained eyes. aw i love him so much. i really wanted to keep him he's so cute but the extra kiddos had to go and the less interaction necessary with the administration the better. even though now a couple of us that complained are now the "point" people for all communication. ok.

gosh im just really exhausted today. i may end work but work ends me. gosh, this one girl is always concerening me though. the same person never picks her up and its getting to be a safety issue. ugh. at the end of the day though i just want them to go. i don't want to think anymore. they did pretty good today. i had no mommies though and that was not so good. they were fine during workshop, they did so good last thursday i'm still beaming about it. just having the extra help to do letter intervention is really important and i hate being told no when i ask puedes ayudar en la clase hoy? though. maybe tomorrow.

birthday is almost here...

the countdown begins!!!! ahhh!!!!!! so many things going on. i felt like at the end of this week like i entered it with open arms and ended with arms full. the test. things to get done. kids. ah so is life.

i wish i could get through all this car stuff. ugh. why is life so full of beuracracy? i can't swim out of it. its just never ending waves.

i'm so proud of myself for going to yoga. its hell getting there emotionally and the bod is sore for the next couple days but its the best. i so need to get into a workout schedule...this will be the week. gotta look into a y membership, add that to the big to-do list.

i'm going to be 21 on saturday! yay!!!!!!! i'm getting a hair cut this week and a birthday outfit....ohh good stuff. if only i knew where to go! eh anyway. this week will go by fast.

gotta love the beach

ohhh im soo sunburned! kinda of sad though.....

what to do...

so its a friday night in san jose and i'm blanked. there is nothing to do in this town. sushi was really good though. company is good too :0)

seriously though - if I had none that sillicon valley is a wasteland of life I don't think I would have left dc. well, it hopefully will be warmer in comparison. it has been chilly though....ehhh....well anyway. beach is close. oh gosh, why did i move out here lol. i don't really remember. well its a job. and im really starting to bond with my kids. i could do without anita some days. "your parents say that your too strict" blah blah blah well thats dandy, tell me how I can do better not just the problem. whatever.

life is interesting here in the bay. sometimes its weird. its like did i really move all the way across the country and become a kindergarten teacher? how did that happen lol...

doin the best i can in my little corner of the world

it seems like the world is going in circles. day in and day out - little change if any. why is change so slow if occurring at all? are there just some walls that just won't break. I feel like nothing changes. No matter.