so much pressure at this time of year. God I feel like I haven't appreciated this season. I've been so caught up in whether or not I'll be hired and playing games. Lord I just want to serve you. If you want me at the nursing school make it clear. I don't understand the rogue politics and dishonesty.
Swalling my pride today and trying to catch up was tough. Especially since I was reemed when it wasn't all my fault. Well, only 4 more days. Then just a different kind of drama haha.
Its nice to have my personal life going a bit better. Something pleasent to focus on at least. I'm thankful I had another day to serve God. Give me patience and your love and eyes to see my crazy coworker.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
a reflection
as I write this I'm enjoying Alvin and the Chipmunks christmas (the old one, none of this new fangled ness). Life is good. Work sucks but its nice to be dating someone and that's exciting. Another K but at least he doesn't have a white truck.
God I thank you that no matter what you are right here with me. Even though I feel alone and lost and helpless I truly have you in my backpocket at all times giving me your love, peace, patience, and kindness. I turn over my financial troubles to you and ask for your grace and wisdom. I pray for your financial freedom and so thankful for the school debt I have paid off and how small a debt I owe compared to others. You've blessed me so much - Hawaii free vacation (although there was a price that was paid), my car, a place to live, my health. I trust you Lord with 2012 and ask for your divine intervention in my relationships and career.
God I thank you that no matter what you are right here with me. Even though I feel alone and lost and helpless I truly have you in my backpocket at all times giving me your love, peace, patience, and kindness. I turn over my financial troubles to you and ask for your grace and wisdom. I pray for your financial freedom and so thankful for the school debt I have paid off and how small a debt I owe compared to others. You've blessed me so much - Hawaii free vacation (although there was a price that was paid), my car, a place to live, my health. I trust you Lord with 2012 and ask for your divine intervention in my relationships and career.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
tastes so sweet
each moment should taste sweet. even if its bittersweet. Have I enjoyed the last 3 hours of my life? love anthony de mello.
interesting phone conversation. God I don't know which direction you are taking me in but I
interesting phone conversation. God I don't know which direction you are taking me in but I
Monday, November 14, 2011
powerful
the buzz word for today. I'm still trying to process the student reactions to the move to San Mateo and the figurehead response. Man I am glad they ate the dean alive today. The whole dialogue was interesting. It's curious to see which way the road will go. We hope for justice and fairness but li
Thursday, November 10, 2011
normal
what is it? does it even exist?
wow today was interesting. the preceptions that people have of me and the reality of what i feel. nancy just crackkks me up. I truly do feel empathy for her. I pray God's will over her life.
wow today was interesting. the preceptions that people have of me and the reality of what i feel. nancy just crackkks me up. I truly do feel empathy for her. I pray God's will over her life.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
pan am
my new favorite show. I have a fascination with the 50s. Maybe it's the american girls series that brings it back. Molly was so neat - the time period was so transitional with the war.
I did a great job today. Its great to go back to the mountain home and visit with Betty. She is such a dear. Yesterday I asked her what she was thinking as we were sitting on the porch enjoying the warm sunshine and the view of monterey. She said "I'm thinking about how much fun it would be to have you with me in HI!". I was so touched and responded with "Now, I'm not even sure if I can go let's not get ahead of ourselves". It was so great to have Denyse offer me my old job back - just to be wanted. Not that I want my old job back lol. God I thank you for this relationship in my life. Bless it and protect it. May it glorify you. Amen.
Bananas. That's how I feel sometimes. But they are a great snack. That and sweet potatoes. Lots of red berries according to mama mary. I'm so blessed to have her too. To have other people that are caretakers in my life.
Tea. Nice hot warm tea. Great with the rains coming up. I love the rain. Although I prefer warm sunshine on my face there is nothing like cozy-ing up with a great book. I'm excited to read my new David Sedaris book. His last book I read was hilarious. A bit crude but funny.
Humor. Mark is a source of humor. Betty is a source of humor. Charlie the cat and zola the puppy. I'm well liked at my job. I'm liked in general. Isn't that neat? I am loved. Loved by many and most important loved immensely by God. I can't even begin to fathom the power of his love for me. I bask in his love and greatness. I crawl into the palm of his hand and stay there.
Anything else? I'm lucky. Wherever I go I land on my feat. I make mistakes but there is humor and grace and important lessons learned in them. I love me and my life. And my faith mug that has my tea in it.
I did a great job today. Its great to go back to the mountain home and visit with Betty. She is such a dear. Yesterday I asked her what she was thinking as we were sitting on the porch enjoying the warm sunshine and the view of monterey. She said "I'm thinking about how much fun it would be to have you with me in HI!". I was so touched and responded with "Now, I'm not even sure if I can go let's not get ahead of ourselves". It was so great to have Denyse offer me my old job back - just to be wanted. Not that I want my old job back lol. God I thank you for this relationship in my life. Bless it and protect it. May it glorify you. Amen.
Bananas. That's how I feel sometimes. But they are a great snack. That and sweet potatoes. Lots of red berries according to mama mary. I'm so blessed to have her too. To have other people that are caretakers in my life.
Tea. Nice hot warm tea. Great with the rains coming up. I love the rain. Although I prefer warm sunshine on my face there is nothing like cozy-ing up with a great book. I'm excited to read my new David Sedaris book. His last book I read was hilarious. A bit crude but funny.
Humor. Mark is a source of humor. Betty is a source of humor. Charlie the cat and zola the puppy. I'm well liked at my job. I'm liked in general. Isn't that neat? I am loved. Loved by many and most important loved immensely by God. I can't even begin to fathom the power of his love for me. I bask in his love and greatness. I crawl into the palm of his hand and stay there.
Anything else? I'm lucky. Wherever I go I land on my feat. I make mistakes but there is humor and grace and important lessons learned in them. I love me and my life. And my faith mug that has my tea in it.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
anger anger go away come again another day
I really can't seem to squish the urge to throw my telephone out of the window. DB Kirk. Who is named Kirk anyway? My replacement that is. My replacement for no good reason - just because of money and guanxi. Money makes the world go around and connections solidify. I was that kid who didn't get picked for kickball. Why is the work place still a childish playground and ratings are based on popularity instead of performance? The better question is why I can't seem to put on the personality of smoothing the feathers. I guess boss butt kissing just wasn't in my DNA. That or I missed the "How to schmooze" class in college. Thanks AU for adequately preparing me for real life. Great use of 60k a year.
In honesty I loved college. Part because I'm a nerd and part because its a unique time in life when you have the time and ability to explore. I never had a boxed in education and college enhances that. This is good. Tangents of distraction are good for the anger. Focus on the good. Not on throwing my telephone out the roof/window/at my boss.
In honesty I loved college. Part because I'm a nerd and part because its a unique time in life when you have the time and ability to explore. I never had a boxed in education and college enhances that. This is good. Tangents of distraction are good for the anger. Focus on the good. Not on throwing my telephone out the roof/window/at my boss.
Monday, October 3, 2011
back to the bay
So its been some time since my return to the bay. A year to be exact. Since I left all I wanted was to return...something about the weather. Anyway, the focus of this post is to vent. I am frustrated beyond belief. What if life was fair and the experienced candidate who had been doing the job actually got the job? Life being fair in all aspects, not just to me. I guess thats why we live in a fallen world. A world that can be cruel and unjust. Good to know it won't always be like that. I have to refocus my mindset and have faith. In the mean time, I just want to strangle my phone that reminds me that I'm being replaced by a DB. I'm seriously overqualified for this job - why are the odds always against me even when they should be in my favor?
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