roadblocks

So, I don't know why I'm still having difficulty sleeping. Transition, must be in the CHAOS phase. I am normal haha. Oh just hormones, or a combo of both. I'm pretty tired phyiscally and I don't know, mind is running a million miles a minute. I'm excited. So excited I can't sleep!

Reconcilation. This is an interesting concept. A difficult one, but important to do as I'm finding. We all need this sense of closure in our lives. Life isn't always pretty, make my amends to those that I have trespassed on and I've built my side of the bridge. It was a rough year. I don't think it was a bad school year, I think I've just been burned and its time to heal and move forward. I can't let one negative experience tarnish my view of my future or this next adventure. Its not fair. I need to let it go, I sent the email and it doesn't matter if there is a response.

a day at the falls...

so I know this isn't about the bay life but in a commitment to better record my life and reflect -- I got to see Niagra falls today! It was cool, I liked Canada, much more chillaxed than the US lol but I wasn't as impressed with the natural sight as I thought I would be...I was expecting great wall/pyramid WOWs but all I got was, yea its cool and look at this! But I was really just cold and wet but the sun came out as soon as it was time to go. Go figure!

Fun day, time to get some sleep. Remembering the goods is important...

not enough to think about

How quickly life changes. It's past midnight here, east coast time, and my brain is whirring. This week has been interesting. Good but interesting. So different to be in a training, Wuxi people were complaining on Friday just tired for sitting for countless hours and I'm antsy too but I'm thinking comparatively this is great! Ohh boy, year three of teaching. Its strange though to listen to people's thoughts on teaching and I can join in on the conversation but I don't want to be able to join in on the conversation. perhaps because this isn't my world. well, it is my world since I do live in it so I guess that statement doesn't make much sense.

Who am I is the central theme here. Identifiying who you are and being solid in Christ seems to be the preparation. Its good, good doesn't seem like the right word to explain for it.

Anyway, commitments for the next adventure:

1) write a monthly email to all friends and family
2) semester/quarterly newsletter?
3) exercise a consistent three times a week as a routine, exceptions only if travelling.
4) blog three times a week, no exceptions.
5) return emails/personal relational communication within a week. (goal)

I think thats enough. Its interesting what Cindy was saying to me today about keeping my options open. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that God holds whatever is in the future. Thanks dad :0)

So my bay adventure is officially over, at least for now. I really did like cali though, a good place to call home! I will miss my persian family, the beautiful places, much better fashion, and just lifestyle. I was surely spoiled. Funny how I didn't recognize that till I left....

I was also asked what my expectations were. Which is funny because my answer was that I didn't have any. Which I still feel is partly true when I have made an effort not to create any but I think the point is that we all have expectations, its part of the human condition. I will have to continue to flesh this point out at a later time, interesting to sit on and stew for a bit.

I guess the final part of my ranting here in attemps to get everything out and "grow" hehe is reconcilliation. Its something I've been praying about, and need to pray more about. God is growing me in my prayer life though which is an answer to prayer haha! Surrender is something on my thoughts as well....

yay!

so i was reading my last post and thought it was totally funny. how quickly things change. well, in thinking about that day at summer palace and how for the first time we weren't sweating bullets - we also got ripped off in a taxi cab and for the first time in china i felt unsafe. and then we couldn't get train tickets to Xian which freaked us out because all of our flights were based off from getting to Xian. It all worked out after getting to the right floor of the train station and amazingly just talking to another ticket seller but the first woman we talked to was like nope, no train tickets left to Xian and we couldn't believe it. Strange.

So, I am moving to China which I also can't believe. I don't know if im still in shock or just trying to wrap my brain around it all. its scary, exciting, crazy, fun. A lot to take in. I'm just so happy its happening. A step in the right direction it feels. I'm not crazy about having to teach another year but it will be totally different and hopefully less stressful then this year from hell. I've been thinking about it though, its been total preparation for the next step. God wants me to deal with these bullies and these giants. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

so i'm at home and its so good. almost makes me feel homesick but ill be able to come back again for a little bit. it will be difficult to leave and return to the boss from hell. well, god is my strength and thats all that i need. and i know now that no matter what, i cant let my peace and my joy be taken. living in the spirit each day and letting the stresses be stresses but being content and having peace in the storm. wow, ive come a long way.

hopefully i will be able to document my next journey a bit better. ive made lots of mistakes this year but im proud to say that ive learned from them all and i know its all in god's love. and most importantly im human and im supposed to make mistakes. and i need to recognize my emotions and pain and the fact that i am human and be happy with me.

what's remembered

I've been reflecting a lot on my asia trip and wished I had been better about documenting. I'm trying to sit down and write about it all but I tend to leave parts out, not as authnetic as writing at the end of each day but we were SO busy. I can't beleive how much we did. Anyway, the things I remember are so random. For instance, I remember talking to this girl on this boat in the summer palace. Climbing up to the top of the huge pagoda and eating bamboo. And how for the first time in China how we did not sweat ourselves to death. That's the other thing, I really remember the weather! I can break up the memories by day so I can remember just about the big events on the day we went to summer palace. I have a hard time remembering random people and who we fufilled our photo quota with, but I do remember some.

Well, I hope my application goes through with ISC. I have a good feeling about it. I don't really have many back-ups at this moment, really need to work on that. We shall see what happens and what God has in store. He always surprises me!

Off to work, only one week left till vacation. Yay! Only good thing about being a teacher I swear. CO boarding with Mark and Andrea and the girls should be really fun. My ass will hurt. More later....