go round and round

mistakes are inevitable. my lesson now is how to take them gracefully and not beat myself up. Enjoy my human-ness. Take in what God has given me and seize the beauty of each day.

after searching for two years and doing whatever it takes to pay bills I'm finally employed perm. I pray that I may never take my job/income for granted and recognize each opportunity as an avenue for growth and self-reflection. As I give to the world, I will continue to be blessed. Boundaries are important to remember because I will give too much sometimes.

Lord, protect me. Make me an instrument of your peace. Help me to see others and myself with your love and grace. May each night be spent in your safe, trusting arms and every day refreshed with your joy and spirit.

Who am I? The eternal question of self. I have multiple roles and foundations of character. I have avenues of passion: africa, beach, human rights, social justice, peace. Being creative is important - dance, yoga, painting/sculpting. Being textile and touch. Singing and music. Helping. Problem solving. Family. Friends. Community. Taking each moment and appreciating it for what it is. Enjoying every three hours #anthonydemello

forgiveness

letting go of what was or could be. I'm learning I need to have zero expectations and therefore zero disappointments. When I was in China one of the teachers shared that during her training the theme was "high adventure, low expectation". What a good life theme.

I have to reflect and focus on the good. I was listening to an NPR show earlier today and the program was focusing on prophets and how the key word was disruption. We crave for stability and the security that our materialism promises us. A life with God is just the opposite and the world is constantly changing. I'm trying to embrace the change and instability in my life and cling to God who is true and constant. I've put so much focus this week on my material needs when I always used to tell myself how insignificant money is as its just a piece of paper. Yet as a society we place so much importance on it. Class status can be defining in that it can enlarge or enclose your educational opportunities and access to medical care and basic needs.

I'm looking forward to the Stanford Africa Forum (http://saf.stanford.edu/) on Saturday. Getting back to my passion motivates me forward. Although it can seem slim at times I have to keep holding on to the fire that God has put in my heart. He has designed my desires for a very specific purpose. I need to keep that hope alive.

perspective

sometimes you just have to get everything out of your head in order to see straight. Its like all the stuff in there creates a fog that prevents me from seeing clearly. When it stays in my head it stews, like crazy stew, but when I get it out I realize its usually a bunch of junk.

The economy isn't safe and how do I react? Out of fear. I go back and wish I had negotiated, stood up for myself. I wasn't thinking clearly because I was thinking in fear. I claim faith and trust as pillars of my life but how often do I act on them. It's more about talking the talk instead of walking the walk. I have examples of God's faithfulness but every time a challenge is posed it's like I'm back at square one. I guess that's the human condition of forgetfulness that we are all equipped with. I wish I had a new manual.

I pick at every aspect of my life and I'm not satisfied. I get into these places of looking at my life and not hitting my own standards. I know I'm my worst critic and I need to just take life on life's terms. Sometimes I feel like a 3 year old because things aren't going my way. Me, me, me. And I blame other people for being selfish.

It was nice to be validated tonight. I have to take stock and take satisfaction in that. Listen and apply my own words of wisdom. Live in the light, love, and peace. Seize the blessings I have and laugh a little. My circumstances will never be enough. I need to let them go.

important

gotta remember this:

I am finally exactly where I wanted to be all along, the second I stopped trying to get there

waiting

I feel like the jeopardy theme song is playing constantly. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for the next weekend, waiting for the next offer. Waiting for the semester to be over. Waiting for winter to end.

Did you enjoy the last three hours of your life? If we are in a constant state of waiting that might be tough. I have.

This is a post of random thoughts. The next one being procrastination. I have so many things on the to-do list but no energy to do any of them. I just want to watch a movie haha. It's like I've been through system overload and just want to zone out.