processing

That was a really good conversation with M company. As much as I hesitate to have closure, I felt its importance. I need to do an ego check and really think about what is most important to me in this decision process. If I chose to go with company RH then I can't doubt myself. I don't want to be in an environment where I'm crying again. I really don't know which direction to go. I feel like with RH I would be challenged more so. They are two polar opposite opportunities. Some times you just pick a pill to go down the rabbit hole - they are lead to the same destination anyway.

I feel like Teresa gets me. Get me as a person. Is that what I want in my next job? Do I want to be in a more supportive environment or a more corporate environment. I felt like with M it was more fluid. My creativity would be embraced. My heart for africa would be understood. I probably wouldn't have to box my life. If I did RM I wouldn't have time for my interests.

Whichever road reveals itself it will all be good. God I am in your hands. Although I feel lost and confused - you are my constant in the storm. You are my guiding light and love. I lift my arms to you with all of my burdens that I am carrying. God grant me your release. Grant me your peace.

It is all good. All of this STUFF that is freaking me out right now is just that - stuff. It doesn't define me, it doesn't have to impact me. All I have to do is just enjoy what God has put in front of me to do for today.

I have 10 days on M if I decide I want to change my mind. I don't feel like I'll need to. I'm choosing RH based on what's most important to me in my next position which is money, learning opportunity, what's going to be the biggest boost for my career. I know RH is where God is leading. I knew that after I interviewed. Of course I fought with God on it for a couple of days but I'm now in a place of peace since I've made a decision.

God I'm just in a place of thankfulness. Whew what a full nights sleep does for me. I feel like I'm human again, like me again. God please continue to settle my heart and mind. I receive your peace and rest.