Twists and turns. I feel like the pieces of my life are coming back to settle. Which is strange considering I just moved apartments. It was a lot easier this time but it still brings up my trust/dependence issues.
God can I trust this new boy? Is he someone you want me to spending my time with? I want my dating life to glorify you. It's so hard for me - it truly is where I stumble in my walk with you. I know relationships are hard - I give this one to you. Whatever you want it to be I accept. I give you my insecurities.
I trust the plan you have for me. I know you will provide. Its not a big deal, I can just ask someone else to help me. Why do I feel anxiety right now? Could have to do with the gluten I ate last night. It's funny, my taste for bread things has dissipated. Not disappeared though - I have my moments.
It was hard talking to my grandpa this evening. The word slurs due to the amount of morphine is a reality check. Its sad for me to see him in this state - especially knowing the kind of man that he was. I want to remember him playing Sorry and blocks and taking us to wendy's. I know he was happy to hear from me and it was beautiful for him to tell me that he loves me. My heart is breaking as I type. Its hard because its become drawn out. The doctors said he had six months left in December of 2012. Its now Feb 2014 - over a year later. God I lift him up to you. Thank you that he isn't in pain. I trust you will take him in the perfect timing, timing according to your will and purpose. Help me through this sadness and loss.
This is a fluid time for me. Maybe I'm finally on the cusp of greatness as Julian put it. I will believe.
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