God thank you for all of the goodness you have infused in my life. You have opened a new door. I know you have more doors to reveal. Grant me your patience and discernment.
As soon as I surrendered living here, the game changed. You are moving the pieces God and I'm excited.
I give you this relationship that is unfolding. Help me to practice godly boundaries and to trust you. I know you have someone very special for me. I believe that you are molding and shaping him to be after your heart.
Protect my health and my sleep. May I go forth as a beacon of your light and joy.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
life moves
Twists and turns. I feel like the pieces of my life are coming back to settle. Which is strange considering I just moved apartments. It was a lot easier this time but it still brings up my trust/dependence issues.
God can I trust this new boy? Is he someone you want me to spending my time with? I want my dating life to glorify you. It's so hard for me - it truly is where I stumble in my walk with you. I know relationships are hard - I give this one to you. Whatever you want it to be I accept. I give you my insecurities.
I trust the plan you have for me. I know you will provide. Its not a big deal, I can just ask someone else to help me. Why do I feel anxiety right now? Could have to do with the gluten I ate last night. It's funny, my taste for bread things has dissipated. Not disappeared though - I have my moments.
It was hard talking to my grandpa this evening. The word slurs due to the amount of morphine is a reality check. Its sad for me to see him in this state - especially knowing the kind of man that he was. I want to remember him playing Sorry and blocks and taking us to wendy's. I know he was happy to hear from me and it was beautiful for him to tell me that he loves me. My heart is breaking as I type. Its hard because its become drawn out. The doctors said he had six months left in December of 2012. Its now Feb 2014 - over a year later. God I lift him up to you. Thank you that he isn't in pain. I trust you will take him in the perfect timing, timing according to your will and purpose. Help me through this sadness and loss.
This is a fluid time for me. Maybe I'm finally on the cusp of greatness as Julian put it. I will believe.
God can I trust this new boy? Is he someone you want me to spending my time with? I want my dating life to glorify you. It's so hard for me - it truly is where I stumble in my walk with you. I know relationships are hard - I give this one to you. Whatever you want it to be I accept. I give you my insecurities.
I trust the plan you have for me. I know you will provide. Its not a big deal, I can just ask someone else to help me. Why do I feel anxiety right now? Could have to do with the gluten I ate last night. It's funny, my taste for bread things has dissipated. Not disappeared though - I have my moments.
It was hard talking to my grandpa this evening. The word slurs due to the amount of morphine is a reality check. Its sad for me to see him in this state - especially knowing the kind of man that he was. I want to remember him playing Sorry and blocks and taking us to wendy's. I know he was happy to hear from me and it was beautiful for him to tell me that he loves me. My heart is breaking as I type. Its hard because its become drawn out. The doctors said he had six months left in December of 2012. Its now Feb 2014 - over a year later. God I lift him up to you. Thank you that he isn't in pain. I trust you will take him in the perfect timing, timing according to your will and purpose. Help me through this sadness and loss.
This is a fluid time for me. Maybe I'm finally on the cusp of greatness as Julian put it. I will believe.
Monday, February 3, 2014
random thoughts
My brain tends to think of the most bizarre thoughts while I'm in the shower. For instance tonight I was comparing the admins at my old company to my new. Seriously, is this what I want to be using my thought capacity on?
I feel like all of the Jesus's callings as of late keep hitting the theme of turning thoughts/attention to God. That is where my peace radiates from. His beauty, his grace. All good comes from him. Focus on the beauty. Focus on the good.
God showing me how to take care of me. Reveal a greater depth of your love for me. I want your love to be on my thoughts. God capture my attention. Help me to focus on you.
I feel like all of the Jesus's callings as of late keep hitting the theme of turning thoughts/attention to God. That is where my peace radiates from. His beauty, his grace. All good comes from him. Focus on the beauty. Focus on the good.
God showing me how to take care of me. Reveal a greater depth of your love for me. I want your love to be on my thoughts. God capture my attention. Help me to focus on you.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
blah blah blah
I feel like my life is full. I'm focusing on detaching, and truly living a life of peace and serenity.
Let go let go let go. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.
God be with me. Protect me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I lay myself, my finances, and my career in your hands. All of my dreams belong to you. You are the dream giver and despite obstacles I know you have good plans for me. I pray for increased faith and trust in your plan. I ask for the ability to live out your will for me.
Let go let go let go. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.
God be with me. Protect me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I lay myself, my finances, and my career in your hands. All of my dreams belong to you. You are the dream giver and despite obstacles I know you have good plans for me. I pray for increased faith and trust in your plan. I ask for the ability to live out your will for me.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
song of galaxies
What I need to focus on right this minute: God's love. Today was a good day, weather was gorgeous. Went to the 12pm meeting which was supporting and focused on gratitude. And how I need to change my perspective. I think I've had so many life changes in the last two weeks that I'm still trying to digest. Got back from Florida, had a slew of job opportunities come through, experiencing feelings of loss and the reality of life. Even just a switch from the laid back flow of florida to the hustle and bustle that is present here.
God I forgive L. I pray for more of your glory and grace. Allow your peace to settle in my brain - I cast out all anxiety, frustration, and anger. Give me your perspective from above. In the long run none of this will matter.
Help me to stay in today. God I thank you for blessing me with the ability to make decisions. I trust that you have put RH on my heart for a reason, and that you have opened that door for a reason. I trust your spirit guiding me and that you will be with me every day in that enviroment. You will strengthen me, protect me, and guide me. I am in your hands each and every day. I cast out all projections. I accept your love. Ughhh-acceptance aka ughceptance.
God I forgive L. I pray for more of your glory and grace. Allow your peace to settle in my brain - I cast out all anxiety, frustration, and anger. Give me your perspective from above. In the long run none of this will matter.
Help me to stay in today. God I thank you for blessing me with the ability to make decisions. I trust that you have put RH on my heart for a reason, and that you have opened that door for a reason. I trust your spirit guiding me and that you will be with me every day in that enviroment. You will strengthen me, protect me, and guide me. I am in your hands each and every day. I cast out all projections. I accept your love. Ughhh-acceptance aka ughceptance.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
processing
That was a really good conversation with M company. As much as I hesitate to have closure, I felt its importance. I need to do an ego check and really think about what is most important to me in this decision process. If I chose to go with company RH then I can't doubt myself. I don't want to be in an environment where I'm crying again. I really don't know which direction to go. I feel like with RH I would be challenged more so. They are two polar opposite opportunities. Some times you just pick a pill to go down the rabbit hole - they are lead to the same destination anyway.
I feel like Teresa gets me. Get me as a person. Is that what I want in my next job? Do I want to be in a more supportive environment or a more corporate environment. I felt like with M it was more fluid. My creativity would be embraced. My heart for africa would be understood. I probably wouldn't have to box my life. If I did RM I wouldn't have time for my interests.
Whichever road reveals itself it will all be good. God I am in your hands. Although I feel lost and confused - you are my constant in the storm. You are my guiding light and love. I lift my arms to you with all of my burdens that I am carrying. God grant me your release. Grant me your peace.
It is all good. All of this STUFF that is freaking me out right now is just that - stuff. It doesn't define me, it doesn't have to impact me. All I have to do is just enjoy what God has put in front of me to do for today.
I have 10 days on M if I decide I want to change my mind. I don't feel like I'll need to. I'm choosing RH based on what's most important to me in my next position which is money, learning opportunity, what's going to be the biggest boost for my career. I know RH is where God is leading. I knew that after I interviewed. Of course I fought with God on it for a couple of days but I'm now in a place of peace since I've made a decision.
God I'm just in a place of thankfulness. Whew what a full nights sleep does for me. I feel like I'm human again, like me again. God please continue to settle my heart and mind. I receive your peace and rest.
I feel like Teresa gets me. Get me as a person. Is that what I want in my next job? Do I want to be in a more supportive environment or a more corporate environment. I felt like with M it was more fluid. My creativity would be embraced. My heart for africa would be understood. I probably wouldn't have to box my life. If I did RM I wouldn't have time for my interests.
Whichever road reveals itself it will all be good. God I am in your hands. Although I feel lost and confused - you are my constant in the storm. You are my guiding light and love. I lift my arms to you with all of my burdens that I am carrying. God grant me your release. Grant me your peace.
It is all good. All of this STUFF that is freaking me out right now is just that - stuff. It doesn't define me, it doesn't have to impact me. All I have to do is just enjoy what God has put in front of me to do for today.
I have 10 days on M if I decide I want to change my mind. I don't feel like I'll need to. I'm choosing RH based on what's most important to me in my next position which is money, learning opportunity, what's going to be the biggest boost for my career. I know RH is where God is leading. I knew that after I interviewed. Of course I fought with God on it for a couple of days but I'm now in a place of peace since I've made a decision.
God I'm just in a place of thankfulness. Whew what a full nights sleep does for me. I feel like I'm human again, like me again. God please continue to settle my heart and mind. I receive your peace and rest.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
time for dancing
What I heard this morning.
You are special. You are mine. I'm whispering I love you in your ear all the time, be still enough to hear it. Lift your arms to me with your burdens so I can take them. Remember what I've told you, what I brought up for you in KC. How I've seen you. Seen you since you were a child, a teenage longing for me. Hoping for me. I am here to save. I am your savior. Come to me and drink. Rest. Live out Psalm 24. Receive.
Stop. Pray. Wait.
You are special. You are mine. I'm whispering I love you in your ear all the time, be still enough to hear it. Lift your arms to me with your burdens so I can take them. Remember what I've told you, what I brought up for you in KC. How I've seen you. Seen you since you were a child, a teenage longing for me. Hoping for me. I am here to save. I am your savior. Come to me and drink. Rest. Live out Psalm 24. Receive.
Stop. Pray. Wait.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)